NYC Sarge: December 14

Just woke up and figured I’d write a “report” of sorts of the night Ga’ash and I had last night. One thing I really enjoy about sarging is the spectrum of behavior you see. The way girls and guys react to PUA behavior intrigues me enough that I want to write about it this morning. (I’m a little hung over and dehydrated so excuse my uninspired prose.)

First, I want to pause for a footnote on “aggressive” guys. (I don’t even want to call them AMOGs since acting needy and pulling a girl away from someone when they’re talking to people about the “hotness” of Mick Jagger or David Bowie isn’t alpha, it’s pathetic.) These guys piss me off not only for their insecurities, but also for their stupidity. Seriously, how stupid must you be if you know you’re needy and clingy to the point where you can’t stand the thought of your girlfriend or, more likely the case in most of sets we got “ejected” from, your girl friend (notice the space) talking another person, yet you bring her to an absurdly crowded bar in the busiest city on the planet! So a big FUCK YOU to all the guys who ripped their “girls” away from me and Ga’ash (often midsentence) for treating women like exclusive, private property as if we’re living in Iran or some shit. You guys are awesome!

With that out of the way, I’m going to omit specific examples of getting ripped from sets because of needy dudes and begin with the first set I of the evening I ran: work girl. I’ve been slowly and cautiously sarging this girl I work with and felt I made some progress Friday (almost proposed the instant date after work but reneged as you’ll see why). So this girl is probably around a 7 (not usually my type: Mediterranean looking, tall…loud!) but she’s won me over enough with her personality and writing ability (she’s a writer, too) that I’ve promoted her to a 7.5-8. Well, we take the train home together and after 3 months of not talking to her, 2 weeks ago I finally opened her and we’ve been vibing since (she usually opens me or seeks me out when we’re waiting for the train). So Friday, I’m listening to my iPod (actually a David D. program lol), she opens me and we start talking – not too flirty. When out train comes, she follows me to the car I’m walking towards (this, in terms of “train station sarging”, is an IOI because it’s very easy to just walk into another car). When we get on the train, I decide to run some devious push/pull maneuvers.

HB Writer: So, where do you want to seat?

The Judge: Sit? Who said we’re sitting together? I need to take a nap, get ready for my night to being. (I actually do like napping on Friday afternoons)

HB Writer: Oh… (She sounded legitimately hurt and I felt sort of bad lol)

So I sit down and she sits behind me and starts reading. I pretend to fall asleep (I was actually really trying but started thinking about ways I could contort the situation into an instant date once we got off the train which kept me awake.)

Enter bizarre behavior # 1 of the night. HB Writer’s phone rings and she picks it up. It seems to be one of her girl friends as she chats in a girly way for a few minutes then launches into this soliloquy about her “boyfriend” (keep in mind, she’s never ONCE mentioned a bf in front of me despite times where I baited her to tell me). Well, this soliloquy is not one this bf would like to hear….She starts rapping about how she tried to breakup with him midweek, how he’s a douche bag, blah blah blah. She definitely knew I could hear her since I was one fucking seat in front of her, so I have to guess she was either consciously or unconsciously letting me know her situation (but, since I was fake sleeping, I could pretend she never “directly” told me…us writers are so subtle!). Anyway, when we get close to Grand Central, I decide it’s time to be dominant so I grab her book from her.

HB Writer: Huh??

The Judge: Are you a worthy opponent. (Takes out pen and starts drawing in her book)

HB Writer: Wha?

The Judge: Are. You. A. Worthy opponent? (Hands book back to her with pen inside)

HB Writer: YES! AWESOME! (Sees I drew a tictactoe board in the book)

I was gonna use the tictactoe game to cede our instant date, claiming when I won she had to buy me a glass of wine at this wine bar that opened right near my apartment. But she won. Also, in the middle of the game her phone rang and she hurriedly told her friend she was on her way (they had dinner reservations) so I figured I wouldn’t go for the instant date (also, I wanted to get ready to hit the mean Manhattan streets with Ga’ash). Anyway, we played some more games, flirted some more, and departed. There were several highlights, but most notably I have this girl qualifying herself to me constantly and a recurring phrase she says to me (whenever I neg or IOD her) is, “Oh no! I don’t want you to think that of me!” We have an office Christmas party on Thursday where she’s told me she’s gonna get “totally bombed” so that’ll probably be where I move this “work sarge” to the next level. I’ll keep everyone updated…

Anyway, after I get all showered and peacocked out (Sidenote: the most effective piece of peacock gear I’ve found – and I’ve tried a few! – is simply wearing a loud necktie with a casual outfit. girls have opened me several times about my good fashion taste with the necktie), get a cab, pickup Ga’ash and we hit our favorite stomping ground: The Lower East Side. For those of you unfamiliar with Manhattan, the LES is the fucking OK Corral of pickup. (One night I want to just go and walk to streets as so many hotties are just out walking you don’t even have to go into a bar…)

Anyway, the minute we step out of the cab, a 3-set of Kentucky girls open us, asking for a good place to eat. Ga’ash sets the mood by negging them with “Ahhhh there’s a KFC down that way.” The girls try some flirty banter with us (and I think wanted us to invite them out with us), but Ga’ash and I move as PUAs on a mission: to f-close.

So we get into the bar and I inhale 3 beers (I don’t why…thirsty maybe?) and spot a solid set. It’s 3 girls who are sitting at a table by the bar and the one closest to us is by far the highest quality (HB 8). Ga’ash and I pretend we’re debating as we move towards the bar. Then, like a kid jumping into a cold pool, I just go for it:

The Judge: Okay, you. Real quick: Mick Jagger is he sexy or not sexy.

HB 8: Not sexy.

The Judge: I must disagree. That’s Mick fucking Jagger dude. Guy rocks.

HB 8: He’s not sexy but he’s got soul.

Ga’ash comes in and runs the set. It looks like things are going well for Ga’ash so I move to the two obstacles. I notice the one across the table is worth sarging (HB7) whereas the one closer to me is an ug. I open the ug.

The Judge: So it looks like our friends are getting along. Is she cool? Can I trust her with my friend?

Ug: (disinterested) She’s the best…

The Judge: If our friends are gonna be friends then we should –

HB 7: Ahhhhhhhhh, lets dance. (Grabs ug and pulls her to the dance floor)

This would seem like an IOD and I initially took it as one. However, it wasn’t. Enter bizarre behavior # 2 of the night. So I ejected with the “bathroom bail” and get in line for the stupid coed bathroom. As I’m waiting I suddenly I feel a hand moving over my chest, look over, and see it’s HB 7! She grabbed my tie and told me she “loves this”. (My theory: She wasn’t blowing me out when she pulled the ug on the dance floor, she was jealous!)

Anyway, I go to the bathroom, return and see Ga’ash has ejected from the set. We grab a table, happy with the auspicious beginning to the night and Ga’ash tells me about a new opener he wants to try: the text message. Since we’re always hitting loud venues and it’s hard to open near the dance floor, Ga’ash wrote himself a text that read: “hey ur cute. come and hang out with me and my friend.” The opener is simply to show the target the text and walk away. He tries it and it works! A 3-set opens. (The ug of the group had a husband and the husband came over, too…he wasn’t a bad guy.)

Anyway, we run a few more sets in this venue. Notably, I ran one set on a girl (I remember her name was Kimberly) who looked quality but I think she might’ve been heavy hipped (Ga’ash opened her friend and I simply pointed to Kimberly and told her to sit so I never got a good look at her bottom half lol). However, I got the most IOIs of the night from this girl as she sat across from me with the doggy dinner bowl face and let me qualify her anyway I wanted. Since she was being so good (she proposed we make out!), I IOI’d her with, “Your smile is pretty. I like it.” But she took this as a chance to try and flip the frame, replying, “I know. I use this smile to get whatever I want. I’m using it on you right now.” I threw my head back, laughed like a fucking Anime character (this may have been over the top by the way) and negged her, “What are you kidding me?” (mean? Probably…) Anyway, I should’ve n-closed this girl (there were plenty of opportunities), but didn’t. Oh well.

We venue change to a bar with tons of targets. Nice. Off the bat, Ga’ash gets into a hired gun set with the sexy coat check girl and I wing him with her sexy friend. The girl I start talking to is this skinny, badass looking chick but very sexy…HB 8 fo shiz. She’s got this weird piercing over her lip (like a Cindy Crawford mole but it’s a diamond or some shit) which is very alluring for some reason. At first, this set was going amazing (like I could add this to my PUA mix tape). I’m reframing all her stupid shit tests. I’m making her work for everything. In a word, I’m making this girl fall in love with me. In fact, she came up with the idea for a lock in prop and asked to wear one of my rings (I wear 5 lol). After a series of hoops (I made her tell me a few stories about when she got arrested, how she’s a semi-pro snowboarder, etc.), I let her wear it. I do the whole TD roll play where I look deep into her eyes and say, “I love you. Will you marry me.” Let the moment get intense and build almost to awkwardness until I turn to Ga’ash’s girl and say, “But wait! Can this girl cook? If you can’t cook, we’re getting a divorce lawyer…” She hits me, promises she can cook, blah blah blah.

I even used the lock in as an opportunity to n-close with her suggesting it.

The Judge: Oh shit, I just gave my ring to a complete badass. You told me how you got arrested you degenerate and now I’m trusting you with my ring?? Maybe I should take it back (HB Snowboarding Badass holds it against her chest)….how am I going to find you if you run off???

HB Snowboarding Badass: Take my number! We can hang out tomorrow!

Looks good right? So wrong. Well, HB Snowboarding Badass kept trying to DHV herself by telling me how she knows everyone at the bar and how she drinks for free, so I decide a.) I want a drink and b.) I’m the prize. So I send my little target off to get me a drink and wait (I don’t know why I didn’t open another set at this time…some hotty was AAing me with eye contact…probably from pre-selection…instead of opening I wrote a text to Theory lol). So twenty minutes go by and no HB Snowboarding Badass. I walk across the bar and see HB Snowboarding Badass getting gamed by the bartender. Fuck. I realize my blunder: Never send a girl who’s in state off to another player. Even though this loser is a bartender, he’s still socially proofed in the situation. I’m fucked. I try to walk behind the bar and get stopped by the bar back.

Fuck.

I point for my target to come over to me, but it looks try-hard and desperate (completely incongruous with the frame I originally sent). I use my ring as the pretext for reopening her (which was stupid by the way…and transparent). She now starts reversing the frame on me, telling me the bartender always makes her feel awesome by telling her how beautiful she is. Enter mistake number 2.

HB Snowboarding Badass: Do you think I’m beautiful, too?

The Judge: Pft! Look around toots. This is Manhattan, beautiful girls everywhere. Yeah you’re an attractive chick but I came back because you’re fun and interesting to talk –

HB Snowboarding Badass: Fucking asshole! Then leave! You don’t find me beautiful, what kind of answer is that?! Go find another beautiful girl in Manhattan then! (Gives me the finger…which is something she did to me for most of the rest of the night…)

The Judge: Awwww, look at this little temper tantrum. You were a bratty child, weren’t you?

HB Snowboarding Badass: Fuck you.

The Judge: Seriously, were you an only child?

HB Snowboarding Badass: No, I was the youngest. (Turning away from me)

The Judge: I can totally tell. Anyway, you know what I like about you: your nose. It gives you character. It’s sharp like mine…

HB Snowboarding Badass: (Turns back around, looks shocked) Really? People always tell me to get a nose job but I like it, too. That was so sweet.

This was the only time I was able to salvage the convo. I kept trying to get her away from the bar, but she kept digging in and saying ‘in a minute’. The more I tried, the more desperate I looked, and the I more I DLV’d myself. I have her number but this is sure to be a flake. I’ll keep everyone updated regardless.

Anyway, wow. This report has gotten longgggggggggggg. And this is only like 2a.m. of a night that went to 4:30! Damn, I also wanted to chalk two Asian blowouts onto my blooper reel. (Too funny to just gloss over, I need to detail them.)

Aye, there was so much more that happened. Oh! But I remembered to take a picture of one of the sets we ran. Below I’m posting 2 pictures I took on my camera phone of this 2-set we met on the street (we ended up buying Sparks with these girls and sneaking it into a Eurotrash bar with them). These girls were from England (they had the cutest accents…which Ga’ash and I abused them for) and I’d rate them HB8’s (maybe you guys would rate them higher or lower, but it gives you an idea of how I rate HBs). Anyway, I’ll detail what happened in this set but I merely n-closed the girl in the picture (also a little cheap kiss before I left, but it was pathetic). I’m guessing she’s going to flake as well, but she did insist on putting her number into my phone (I kept telling her no until she pulled my phone out of my hand!)

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