I was out last Saturday with a few guys from the Boston Lair. It was my first time ever being out with other sargers. They picked a trendy club and that wasn't really my vibe so I wasn't opening a lot of sets even though my mindset should have been to just open them for the practice.
As the night was winding down I was with Tyrant and Urnes Beast and we going over a 3 set that Tyrant lost to an interrupt from one of the OBs. She said she had to pee. The other OB sent a text message to someone that said, "I feel like I'm in the middle of an episode of The Pickup Artist." While debriefing Tyrant says to me, "I dare you to go over to that mixed 3 set (2F,1M) and open with "What are you doing tonight? I'm picking up chicks."
I almost never turn down dares, especially this kind so off I went. What I failed to do was get in the frame that this was a set I was actually going to try to win over even though I was opening by asking to be blown out and yet I still learned something.
I decided that if you are going to go in with a line like that, it would be good to start with a Mehowesque "Hiiiiiiiiiii" and with a smile I did just that. They said hi but basically were standing there wanting to know what I wanted.
ME: I'm picking up chicks tonight, what are you doing?
Girl: Nothing, just having a drink
ME: So you aren't picking up chicks?
Girl: No, we're not
ME: *Starts to say something else but don't remember what, didn't get it out*
Guy: Dude, that's my girlfriend and my brother's girlfriend.
ME: That's ok, I'm just having fun with you guys
At that point I walked away.
In hindsight I really had a chance to practice dealing with guys like this. He was a total AFC and what I should have done is looked at him and said, "I'm not picking up THESE chicks!"
So I learned that you can be in a bullshit set and still gain experience and I learned that if someone accuses me of picking up their girlfriend I will totally act like she is totally not good enough for me and I'm insulted at the accusation.
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4 comments:
It strikes me that the whole idea of a "bogus set" is pretty good disqualification. By asking the girls if they're also out picking up chicks (which is an awesome line), you seem like you're using the frame that they're your equals, rather than your targets. Non-set sets are a great non-threatening way to practice game skills, but, who knows, this might work out to be a really good general approach.
Hahaha, that's great. Another classic example of a needy, insecure guy. Seriously, even when I was an AFC, if a dude rolled up to me with that line, I'd at least throw him a high five. Guy just sounds like he was a d-bag.
Also, you make an awesome point: Getting blown out will help your game exponentially. And I'm not talking about this "reframe rejection" thing either. Every time you get blown out, it's like a workout for your social pressure muscle. When you walk away from a hard blowout and realize you don't feel that bad, you're MUCH stronger than you were before you went into that set. That strength manifests itself in your next approach. Right before I left for Albany, I went out with Theory and Prada and got blown out several times in a row (mostly by ugs!) but, the next week in Albany, I was so much looser and more comfortable approaching and stacking. One of my favorite PUA phrases is "Nothing succeeds like success" however, you could rephrase that as "Nothing succeeds like no longer fearing failure."
Good post.
AFCs just don't get the concept of enjoying being blown out. I say 'I've never had a bad night out.' They think I'm bragging, but I say 'Even if I get nothing but shit tests and repeatedly get blown out, I end up making a bunch of positive alterations in my game.' As someone said somewhere, YOU'RE not getting blown out, the combination of words you've presented to the set is getting blown out. None of these people are getting to know you as a person and then rejecting that, so never take it personally.
Sarging is not about going out to get laid, its about going out to have fun interactions with girls you meet in clubs. If you look at it this way, getting blown out isn't nearly as bad. Approaching it with a sense of humor keeps the entire night fun, regardless of your success in getting numbers. I'm about to finish travelling around Europe right now and while I was here I took a bootcamp in London with Beckster and Gambler, their equivalents to Mystery and Style. One of the first approach anxiety excercises they had us do is to stand outside a club where everybody is smoking, and ask every girl leaving the club for a blowjob. Obviously the reaction is going to be intensely negative, but because of how the situation happened, very funny. This was a really good excercise because before approaching sets for the rest of the evening, we experienced the worst possible reaction possible in a set besides a fight with an irate boyfriend or male protector figure. This got us all in the right mindset so that when we moved to another club for some real sarging we were all ready to go. I really recommend giving the excercise a try.
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