Social Conditioning: Escalate without Resistance

Caveat: This is an important article I only want to share with this community because I think it’s a key aspect to PUA and is only touched upon by MM and other literature. Basically this article will guide you at every stage of your PU – from the approach to sex – however it’s theoretical and incorporates some ideas I researched in a graduate class on gender identity. I’ll try to write it as clearly as possible but if something’s unclear, PLEASE POST A COMMENT. The worst thing you can do is misunderstand this article – it will actually hurt you; however, by understanding this “secret” I’ve been noticing/FTing, you’ll improve your game exponentially…

Women want to enjoy their sexuality like guys. It’s simple. It’s true. It’s almost cliché. While I always half-heartedly believed this, I couldn’t completely accept it because I never witnessed it consistently. I’ve never seen any desirable girl clawing at a guy (like a creepy dude) or talking as bluntly about sex like us guys. I’ve observed female behavior that came close, but never anything that approached the antics of even an AVERAGE dude. Why?

Social conditioning.

If you want to understand a society, examine its language. What are the first words that come to mind if you're insulting a girl: slut, whore, bitch, skank, cunt, dyke, etc. Notice almost all those words are pejorative terms for a woman’s sexuality. How many words in our language regulate a man’s sexuality? Man-whore (I have a friend who flaunts that title), pimp (a compliment), player (again, awesome), gigolo (still, pretty awesome), and then about a zillion words to call a guy gay: homo, fag, queer, fairy (all encouraging guys to FUCK women). While women are exploited by the media FOR their sexuality (think about advertising), they’re simultaneously regulated by society not to ACT on that sexuality.

Hence the invention of the cock-tease, the Anti-Slut Defense, the Bitch Shield, among all the other defenses women have derived either consciously or unconsciously, as a group or as an individual, to thwart any attempt to denigrate their image – even if they’re the only one who knows.

Most men never consider this paradox. Most men decide all women are either “sluts” or “prudes” and then act accordingly. However, us PUAs – for better or worse – need to consider this problem and solve it.

And I think I have.

The first step is acknowledging the reality of this paradox: don’t view women as sluts, don’t view women as prudes. They’re constantly fighting an internal struggle between wanting to act on their sexuality, while fearing society’s condemnation. Respect this, understand this…in fact, empathize with this. Let’s go in-field and demonstrate this with an opener.

If you open direct and make your intentions explicit (i.e. “Hey, you’re cute. Lets talk”), even if the set opens, in the back of the girl’s mind she’s haunted by how she looks/will look to her friends/herself. You’re a stranger at a bar who’s used an obvious pick up line to pick her up. She can’t rationalize that. Any girl knows getting “picked up” at a bar is cheesy (girls I’ve picked up at bars will tell me how pathetic girls who respond to pick up lines are!). Using a “pick up” line, whether everyone knows or just the girl knows, has established a sexual relationship: You’re the “picker” and she’s the “picked”.

HOWEVER, if you indirect open and simply seem social (i.e. “Yo, I need to your help for a second…”), in the back of the girl’s mind you’re just having a conversation. She may know damn well what your intentions are (in fact, I believe most girls consciously know what the deal is), although she can still rationalize to herself and to her friends, ‘This guy is only looking for an opinion/a conversation’. You’re still a stranger, but you’re not blatantly picking her up. The relationship shifts from “picker” and “picked” to more neutral terms: Two people talking about an issue.

Note: As I mentioned before, girls WANT to get picked up (or else why else would they be out at a bar), but they DON’T want to FEEL, THINK, or LOOK like they’re getting picked up. By understanding this and going indirect, you win her respect because either unconsciously, or, in more cases, consciously, she realizes that you understand this, respect this, and are finding a way to sidestep the traditional “pick up” routine almost every other guy tries.

I know this isn’t shockingly new to anyone unless you really consider what I’m saying. Apply this to every stage of a pickup. Every sexual escalation should be cloaked with this theory. Let’s hit the field for another example: after the opener, you want to escalate some kino.

I’ve gotten resistance – even when the girl is IOIing me – when I say to a girl, “Here, give me your hands.” At the very least, the girl will sheepishly hold her hands in front of herself and say, “Why?” This response is her baiting me to give her a REASON so she can justify holding hands with a complete stranger. However, it should never come to this. I should give her a reason up front why she’s “allowed” to give her hands to me. For example, “Here, give me your hands. I want to give you a test.” I’ve never had a girl say no to this. Even though it’s against social norms for a girl to hold hands with a guy she’s known for 2 minutes, she can justify it to herself or anyone else because it was a “test”.

Of course, this is complete bullshit. And she knows it. And she knows you know it. And this will excite her because you’re hinting that you can allow her to explore her sexuality freely – without judgment or condemnation – by providing “logical” reasons for her to escalate.

Now that I’ve demonstrated a few points, I want to pause for a moment to explain why women don’t act like unrestrained men when they know there will be no social repercussions (for example, if you meet a stranger on vacation, why can’t you just say ‘Lets have sex and then never see each other again’). According to social logic, that PU line should work almost 100 percent of the time (presupposing you're fairly attractive); however, I’ve NEVER heard of any first-hand stories if this EVER happening. Why? Because the “social superego” is so ingrained in women’s psyches, they’ll know they’ll have to live with themselves afterwards and feel like a “slut”. While I think girls on vacation ARE easier to game since they know there aren’t any direct social repercussions, a PUA still understands a women’s superego needs to rationalize ANY form of escalation.

That’s a shortcoming of MM.

In MM, Mystery advocates the “freeze out”. While it seems to make sense, I’ve never had a freeze out work for me. (If you guys have, tell me what you’re doing. Maybe I’m just not applying it correctly…) In fact, I find it counter-intuitive, because a freeze out throws a girl out of state and allows her rationalization to flood her system: i.e. “Oh my God! What am I doing?! I just met this guy!!”

After a few failed freeze out attempts, I came up with this theory and have been applying it with solid results (keep in mind though, it’s fairly new so I haven’t had a chance to tweak every angle). To return to one final FT’d example, let’s look at how this applies to getting a girl into the bedroom…

Last Wednesday, I called a girl for a D3 (during our D2 we fooled around but no sex). My phone game has been getting consistently better and I talked to this girl for about 20 minutes, pumped her state, made her laugh, etc. When it came time to make plans, I suggested she come to my place so I can cook her dinner (thanks David D.) and she happily agreed.

However, a few days later, she called me and said she still wanted to hang out, but thought maybe we should go out to dinner (she gave me some bullshit reason). I could’ve pressed the issue or tried to freeze her out…instead I agreed, but with this theory in the back of my mind…

So now I’m on this D3 and over dinner I’m pumping her state, telling her stories, joking around, busting on her. Half way though dinner she blurts out, “So can we go back to your place so you can play me a song on your guitar??”

What happened here? Well, aside from demonstrating all my former points about needing reasons to rationalize sexual escalation, this little FR sets up my final point: this shit only works if a girl’s in state and you have value. When I invited her to my place on the phone she agreed because I had enough value FOR sexual escalation, her state was pumped making her WANT sexual escalation, and I gave her a reason to RATIONALIZE sexual escalation. However, since we couldn’t have our D3 that moment, she had plenty of time in between our phone conversation and coming to my apartment to fall out of state and allow her superego to step in, convincing her that her reputation – even if it’s just in her own head – will be tarnished if she came over.

Although, once we were on our D3, I reaffirmed my value, pumped her state, and then SHE gave a reason to come back to my place.

If it’s helpful I can dissect every aspect of every approach and gives examples of this. I believe this a HUGE component of PUA and the reason great PUs – even when you’re getting IOIs and pumping a girl’s state – go bad.

Here’s a “road map” for sexual escalation applying this theory:

Get value (DHV with humor, storytelling, etc.) + Pump state (Laughing, playful flirting) + Cloak escalating with reasons (“testing”, “need to show you something”) = Sexual escalation

By repeating this cycle, you’ll plow through bitch shields, ASD, and any other bullshit women will throw at you to protect their “reputations” (oh, from an ethical perspective, you’re doing a woman a favor by employing this theory: you’re allowing her the same sexual freedom as a guy, which, if you go back to the first sentence of this article, is what women REALLY want anyway). Of course, we all know the hard parts of the cycle are getting value and pumping state, however not giving a “reason” for escalating risks throwing a girl out of state and/or lowering your value.

Just look at escalating as if you’re a kid at a carnival trying to win a prize: You play a bunch of stupid games and get a sausage-string of tickets (value) then you find a prize you’re excited about (pumping state) and finally you convince your mom why you need another huge stuffed animal (cloaking with reason).

Then, you start playing again for a bigger prize…