This post was in response to a post on the VA boards where some loser posted an appalling transcript of "DHV" stories he claimed he was using in the field.
It’s time to write on one of the biggest problems/obstacles PUAs of all skill levels run into: Effective DHV story telling. There are two recurring fatal mistakes I see happening repeatedly: 1.) Stories are trying so hard to hit DHV points, they completely undermine and destroy your frame/congruency 2.) Stories lack any subtly and are no better than blatant bragging/lying.
Mistake # 1: Stories are trying so hard to hit DHV points, they completely undermine and destroy your frame/congruency
Before I go into the theory on this, I want to demonstrate my point by relating something that happened to me in-field. Okay, I sarge in Manhattan and usually go for high end chicks (8s and upward) usually at classy bars/clubs. So, as you can imagine, I’m constantly competing/gaming against AMOGs and, in particular, older, richer Wall Street AMOGs (lets call them Alpha Streeters). So one Thursday night, I’m out with my wing and we’re gaming a decent 3-set. As I’m stacking, I notice in the corner of my eye a cock-pack of 10 Alpha Streeters rolling into the club. While most of the Alphas wandered over to the bar, the two most Alpha guys planted themselves in front of our set. Not letting this phase me, I continued to stack but kept hearing snip-its of phrases like “…FINALLY all moved into my place on Fifth Avenue” or “…going back to the old alma mater for the Harvard Yale game”. They were running the equivalent of MM for guys on Wall Street: DHV about money as loud as you can. After about 5 minutes of this, a couple of the Alphas by the bar came over to our set and offered us all an expensive round of drinks. Of course, we had to accept, allowing the 10 Alphas to move in on our set and effectively blow us out.
The way I felt as I ejected was like a little kid who’s playing a Nintendo game and can’t beat a level while he watches a bunch of older kids do whatever they want because they’re using Game Genie.
I was pissed. Frustrated. Embarrassed. I still am. But thinking back on it, those guys may have blown me out, but they set a horrible frame. Let me explain. Say the Alpha Streeters never showed up and I had successfully n-closed, got a Day 2, and took the girl(s) to McDonalds. It wouldn’t really be a DLV because I was strictly selling the girls on my personality, gaming skills, and stories. I didn’t buy them drinks. I didn’t tell them I live on Fifth Avenue. Taking those girls to McDonalds would’ve been completely congruent with the frame I established.
However, imagine if one of the Alpha Streeters got a Day 2 and he took her to McDonalds. MAJOR DLV. The guy established the frame that he’s rich. His Day 2 HAS to be at a very expansive restaurant or else it’s NOT CONGRUENT. Winning girls with money is great if you’re ready to spend money all the time, but if you’re not than it’s no different than the smooth PUA who freezes up in the middle of the set. You’re blown out once you contradict the reality you initially put forth.
…okay, so how does that relate to Zarlock’s post and, subsequently, to the community at large?
Over and over and I see lines like this: “I broke down the bedroom door and grabbed him by the neck pinning him against the wall lifting him up. Must have been the adrenaline of the moment because I can not normally lift a big guy with one hand. I looked him in the eye and told him, if he ever did that again I would kill him.”
I know a lot of red-faced “PUAs” want to grab me by the neck, pin me against a wall, and tell me “Hey bro! I’m showing that I PROTECT MY LOVED ONES!”
No, you’re not, bro.
What you’re showing is you’re a typical tough guy. Which is fine if that’s the frame you want to set. But just like the Wall Streeter who sets his money frame, you’ve now set a “tough guy” frame. So, when an AMOG comes over and tries to steal your girl, you have no choice but to fight him. Think about it. If you’re the big “protector of loved ones” and you’ve “demonstrated” that with your story, you can’t try to out smart the AMOG or it’s not consistent. Your ONLY consistent choice is to get that adrenaline pumping and start fighting everyone who threatens your target.
Because I encounter so many typical AFC tough guys, I go OUT OF MY WAY to set the frame that I’m NOT a tough guy (so when I use my wit to outsmart them, it’s congruent and I’m not obligated to man-dance every loser AFC with crab hands…) Here’s what I was doing for a while (feel free to use at your discretion):
Part of my peacocking is I sometimes put a band aid on my neck. It sounds stupid but so many girls will open you with:
HB on Trial: OMG!! What happened?
The Judge: Bar fight.
HB on Trial: (Giggles)
The Judge: Yeah, you should’ve seen the other 5 guys. (NOTE: This must be delivered with James Bond-like demeanor. If you say it like a goofball it’ll come off sounding like a joke your corny uncle would make…)
The whole reason this is “funny” is because I’m a skinny 5”8, 145-pound dude who dresses like a dandy...
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2 comments:
Congruence is huge. A point I might add is how this relates to the "buying a girl a drink." PUAs make this out to be a sin, but once again, it comes down to congruence. I work on wall street (don't hate!) and usually my job comes up in a conversation with a woman. Now, if I'm going to the bar to get a drink and I make any kind of deal whatsoever about spending $10 on someone else at the bar, that's major incongruence right there. The point is, not buying a girl a drink is fine, but if you are trying to pretend you are a baller, you probably won't get away with it if it comes up.
Haha Ga’ash – you know I’m not hating on Wall Street dudes…more the creepy older guys who just use the “buy you a drink/I have lots of money” as the ONLY way to establish value.
I agree that some PUAs act like buying a girl a drink or paying more than $5 on a D2 is an abominable act. However, paying for a drink and/or a D2 is FINE as long as you’ve already established value for reasons other than money. From what I’ve observed of your approaches Ga’ash, your direct game works for you because you establish an alpha frame immediately and assume A3. That, in my opinion, is where you’re getting your value. If you tell them you’re a baller after that, you’ve already sparked attraction/value so having money isn’t the frame you set. This could probably be developed into a larger theory about how the first 2 minutes of a successful PU is crucial because you’re not only pumping your value, but you’re also setting the foundational frame for ALL future interactions with your target.
To give an example from my AFC days, I met my last girlfriend (the Polish actress) on Valentines Day by tearing a page out of my notebook where I wrote a scene for my (then) thesis (now) novel where I described in poetic detail what I was feeling as I watched her practice her script from across the room at a Starbucks in Midtown. It’s as cheesy as you can imagine…lines about her beauty, my nervousness, blah blah blah (embarrassing). Surprisingly it actually got her to call me (I couldn’t even approach, I simply scrolled my phone number at the bottom and handed her the ripped page) and it got me a 6-month AFC relationship. However, the frame I set was PATHETIC. Perhaps even worse than the “money” frame, our relationship was founded on the “artsy-courtly” frame. I won’t go into the excruciating details, but I’m sure you can imagine that nightmare…
I guess to sum it up, once you establish value, it’s okay to treat your target like you would a good friend. My friends view me as having value because of reasons other than the fact I spent money on them. Therefore, when we’re out at a bar, I don’t keep a tally sheet on who bought the last drink. If we’re out and I’m going to the bar, I’ll buy them a drink. No big deal. Same applies to a girl: If I’m funny, telling stories, establishing an “I’m awesome/flirty" frame, than it doesn’t matter who buys the drinks. The frame is all that matters…
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