Re: Khaki BODY LANGUAGE

Khaki said... I definitely understood what you wrote, and I much appreciate the advice, Judge, so I'd love more input if you have the time. The problem I think I have most with body language is what to do with my hands... sometimes they just "fall into place," but other times I'm totally aware of where they are and they always feel wrong. I think another problem I have is that I move too much, too fast, and too jerkily (my friends once nicknamed me "Kha Rapid Movements Ki"), but I think just chilling out, and having better inner game has at least somewhat helped me on that.

Okay, I'll try to elaborate on what I wrote in my comment. Basically, practice telling your stories with your hands (very subtly...like when you make a point, use a hand gesture to accentuate what you're saying). The key is to never seem like you're trying too hard or you're a performer, while always holding court by using your whole body to tell a story (for example, use your facial expressions to emote your story, use your hands to visually paint what your words are saying, and use your relaxed posture to imply the value you have as you're talking).

I actually found a picture someone took of me as I was telling a story to some HB (she's hard to see because some fat girl is blocking) Anyway, here's me telling a story next to my wing (Dave the Natural) at some cheesy NYC bar:

Notice how my elbow is resting on the table (it eases my inner state and makes sure my arm motions aren't too jerky) as I'm somewhat leaning back (my neck is propped a little too far forward but probably because I was emphasizing a point...in fact, I bet the words coming out of my mouth were "...BITCH BOOTS"). Also, this picture is incredibly unflattering because my facial expression is contorted to emote what I'm talking about. This is something I actually need to tone down (I've been consistently mistaken as "gay" the last couple weeks I've been out lol), but a little emotion helps draw people into your stories.

Also, if you're going to use your hands to speak, I'd recommend putting on some interesting rings (notice the rings on my fingers). It's a great trap as HBs will usually ask what they mean and why I'm wearing them. If you have a few stories to go with the rings, but are reluctant to tell them, you can have them jump through some early hoops while seeming mysterious and non-needy.

Finally, memorizing your stories and routines BEFORE you tell them will help with your jerky motions. If you can tell a story on autopilot, you won't have to think about what you're saying which will allow you to focus your attention on your non-verbals (i.e. BL, voice tone).

Let me know if this is clear...

The Enlightened Path to Attraction and Hooking: SP

Here’s an email someone sent me about a sticking point: I was hoping that you could help with a sticking point of mine in your next post. I have been opening consistently, but I have trouble transitioning from my opener to dhv. I am not big on using the over used community material (ie ring finger routine, best friends, cube, etc.), but if I have to I have to. I have noticed that when I do try to transition that is where my set goes stale. I appreciate any help you can give. Thanks.

This is a great question and I think it’s the “make or break” moment in most PUAs’ careers. I say this because – in what I’ve observed in my own plights and the plights of others –destroying AA and opening are reachable goals for most guys. I mean, I’m not selling anyone short: It takes balls and a willingness to do something 90 percent of other dudes are afraid of; however, all you’re really asking for is a conversation. You’re not presupposing any value. You’re not conveying you’re a prize. You’re simply saying, “Hey, I have a question. I’m not hitting on you, let’s talk.” While a great start, the real trick (and probably the hardest part of PUA) is the hook point. (Hence, why whenever I go sarging with someone and they beg me to tell them my opener, my response is always, “It’s not what I said; it’s what I said NEXT.”)

So let me explain a specific, FT’d way to demonstrate value and blow past this sticking point…

Okay, so I’m sure you guys all have openers that have worked for you. Personally, I try not to be a PUA parrot and repeat the same opener repeatedly, but there is a benefit to using the same opener multiple times: You can predict responses. You see, most “opinion” openers have a fixed set of responses. If you use an opener 10 times, you’ll probably hear them all. Let me demonstrate with a “Judge exclusive” opener that’s FT’d with great results.

The Judge: Guys, I need to borrow you for five point three seconds. Real quick, give me an ugly-sounding guy’s name. (Sometimes while I’m delivering the opener, I’ll pull out my cell phone)

This might be my new favorite opener because 1.) it doesn’t sound like anything from The Game or the VH1 show 2.) it’s a shotgun question that can be delivered in loud venues 3.) it’s very low committal and calls for immediate input which engages the set.

So, as long as that opener is delivered decently, the set will open with ONLY two responses: 1.) they’ll shoot a guy’s name at you immediately or 2.) they’ll think about it and then tell you a guy’s name.

Here’s how to respond: In situation 1, you bust on them for responding too quickly. For example, a few nights ago I had a girl scream “TREVOR!” in my face before I even finished talking. So I busted out a little playful neg:

The Judge: (Jaw drops in shock) Woah, easy there! That answer was just a little too fast! Let me guess, you had some lurid love affair with a guy named Trevor and now ‘he’s a complete jerk’ (all said in a playful way…the ‘complete jerk’ part is delivered in falsetto girl’s voice and I do some faux chick mannerisms like put my hand on my hip)

The girls will start cracking up and scream, “No, no!” which you can then bust on them further like, “Haha, OH MY GOD. Did I just wander onto the set of “The View”? You guys are a feisty bunch, aren’t you?”

Ect, ect.

Situation 2: Sometimes girls will be so surprised by your approach, they’ll think about it. This is less common than the first situation, but happens about 30 percent of the time. Regardless, you bust on them for taking too long to respond. Here’s how:

The Judge: OH NO, this girl is running through every guy she HATES and trying to narrow down whose name she’s going to give me. Dude, why are soo hostile toward men?? We’re not all evil…

Again, usually this will elicit chuckles and hilarity which you vibe on…

Additionally, after their response you can do a little “best friend” test variation and drop some group cold reads on them. For example:

The Judge: Oh my God, you totally looked at each other before you answered. Uh oh, some girl coding action going on here. You guys must be bffs!

The Judge: Oh my God, this girl totally is waiting for this girl to answer. This one must be the boss of the group. Respect, Alpha female (pounds the ‘boss’). You’re an Amazon.

Or simply:

The Judge: Oh my God, you guys are RETARDED. My name’s Igor and my mom says it’s a pretty name…

Whatever. You get the point. Basically the structure is 1.) open 2.) start dominating social group without completely stealing the spotlight…yet.

Once you’ve vibed a bit and you’re raising their buying temperature, you’re in a position to either a.) keep vibing and run small routines (good for loud venues) or b.) social peacock with a story that’ll put you in the spotlight.

As you guys can probably guess, I usually opt for option b, however don’t presuppose this is the best plan of action. In fact, I’ve blown myself out of sets that were going well because I wanted to launch into a story TOO MUCH and my voice and BL communicated that making me seem like the try-hard guy (aka not the prize). So do what feels comfortable at this point, but this is usually at least a good point to explain why you’re asking (and, if you pulled your cell phone out when you delivered your opener, it’s a good chance to explain why).

So, with option a, just say something simple,

The Judge: Okay, cool. So you think an ugly guy’s name is Trevor? Alright, I have to call my friend Dan in a second because he gave his number to some awkward girl he met at a bar the other night and she keeps calling him. So, he figures if he tells her his name is something ugly-sounding like Trevor maybe she’ll leave him alone. Hey, have you guys ever flaked a guy off? What did you do? Maybe I’ll tell my friend – which by the way, I have to call him in a second. I can’t bear to think that he’s waiting by the phone for an ugly-sounding guy name and this beast can call at any minute and use her powers of awkwardness to get him on a date!

While this might sound retarded, look at the DHVs in there: 1.) the FTC “I have to call my friend in a second” 2.) you understand flaking (most guys take it personal, you’re showing you don’t give a shit…in fact, think it’s funny) 3.) care about your friends 4.) baiting them to tell a story that’s a DHV for them (so it looks like they’re qualifying themselves to you, nice!).

Option B, is the social peacock where I bust out my FAVORITE SP story of all time. This little anecdote, if told properly, will get you rockstar value (I’ll leave it to you to tweak the details to make if congruent to you…also, this story can also be told from the first person, which it usually is. I’ve only recently modified it for this approach structure).

The Judge: Okay, cool. So you think an ugly guy’s name is Trevor? Alright, I have to call my friend Dan in a second because he gave his number to some awkwardly creepy chick he met at a bar the other night and she keeps calling him. Okay, I gotta call him in a second because I can’t bear to think that he’s waiting by the phone for an ugly-sounding guy name while this beast can call at any second…but I’ll tell you the story real quick. Because it’s pretty hilarious…

(At this point, make sure you have everyone’s attention and the set is waiting to hear the story but you should have enough value to make that happen...)

Okay, so my friend Dan goes to Notre Dame Law School and he’s out with a law school buddy and two lady friends and they’re all hanging out, enjoying the magic of two-for-one domestic drafts. It was ‘80s night so I’d imagine everyone is all duded up, rocking to Journey…you know, no one’s stopped believing. So it sounds like all the elements of a good night are in place. Well, the girls went and wandered off to dance with each other, and my friend goes to order another round. As he turns to face the dance floor, he sees this chick – like, the way he described her sounded like if Tony the Tiger was an overweight chick, this is what he’d look like. Okay, he said she had this fizzy-perm hair thing going on and this huge “They’reeeeeeeee great” grin on her stupid face. So Tony is like muscling her way through the crowd, just clawing people to get by. And my friend makes unfortunate eye contact with her…and…well…Dan said he saw it in her eyes…she’s making a beeline for him! Of course, he started making contingency plans to stop this impending tragedy. But no such luck. Before he can use our patented ‘bathroom bail’ – I totally taught him that one – this Tony the Tiger chick has one hand on his back, telling him – not asking – TELLING him they’re gonna dance. Well. He pries her hand off like a dead starfish, sort of like this…one finger at a time. And, maybe it was the general atmosphere, but Dan told me it seemed like this chick had eight fucking arms because whenever he pealed one hand off his back – or, at that point, off his ass…she was very forward – it felt like two more hands took its place. To make a long story short, out of sheer awkwardness, he gave this chick his number…and now we’re all in this predicament together. Me, you guys, Dan, Tony the Tiger: It must be fate. But ANYWAY, if there’s a moral to this story – which there’s not – but IT THERE WERE it would be that girls are complete sexual predators!

Boom. Social hook, value, and attraction. Also, bonus points: Reverse the “guys-chase-girls” frame to “girls-chase-guys” frame. Stack to TD’s sexual predator routine and you’ve solidified yourself as THE PRIZE.

Let me know if you want more of this structure, but I think you guys can take it from there.

Basically, the play-at-home version of all this is as follows:

1.) Get an opener, FT it about 10 times. (Record or remember all the responses)

2.) Figure out clever comebacks to every response but don’t make it seem try hard. Be somewhat spontaneous while cocky and funny.

3.) Cold read the group, display dominance over her social circle.

4.) Vibe and either keep vibing with FTCs and take-aways thrown in during attraction spikes OR social peacock with the fabled “Tony the Tiger” story.

Comments or more questions/sticking points welcome.

Part II: The DHV of subtly: How to demonstrate value without looking like a douche

Let’s get to my second gripe with a lot of PUAs’ storytelling: Stories lack any subtly and are no better than blatant bragging/lying.

Someone mentioned “Easter Egg Theory” in the last post as a way to embed subtly in DHV stories. I’ve never heard that, but I like it. It’s a lesson any good fiction writer knows: Generate interest obliquely. Think about a book like “A Clockwork Orange”. The novel doesn’t begin explaining the social structure of this futuristic society and about how all the characters speak in this strange slang. Burgess just starts narrating in slang and sucks you into that world.

How does he accomplish that? With BUZZWORDS. By speaking in the idiolect of a subculture, you demonstrate you understand and inhabit that subculture.

A perfect example of this is PUA. Imagine if two people came up to you, claiming they were PUAs: The first guy said: “I get into a mixed 2-set with an opinion opener, stacked with DHV routine, did a take away, and isolated the target”.

The second guy goes: “I saw this super hot chick, used a pick up line to initiate a chat with her, started telling her about how I slammed her ex-boyfriend against a wall and threatened to kill him, then pulled her away from her friends and talked to her alone.” (Would the real PUA please stand up….)

Therefore, if you want to demonstrate the reality that you live in the world of hot models, you have to prove you’re on a first-name basis with that world. If you’re lying about having a model girlfriend, you better research some industry buzzwords. If you actually have/had model girlfriends, listen to them when they talk about shit. Instead of saying something like “My ex gf was living and working as a model in Japan”, say “My ex-girlfriend’s agency relocated her to Japan.”

Even better, I’ll give you guys an example of a DHV story I use. My last AFC girlfriend was a somewhat-famous TV actress in Poland. (Side note: While it’s cool to DHV about having had dated super hot chicks like actresses and models, my second to last AFC girlfriend was a Rhodes Scholar…to me, that’s also a DHV (dating smart people) and I don’t think guys should just try to come off sounding like their ‘pimps’ for dating sHBs…)

But I particularly find DHVing about my Polish ex useful because I can also talk about how I traveled through Europe. Here’s how I do it:(…after I’ve opened and DHV’d with 2 or 3 stacked stories that show I’m a fun/funny/articulate guy and I’ve hit the social hook point…)

The Judge: I really like this bar. The lighting/dance floor/black lights remind me of clubs in Europe.

HB on Trial: fjjfdsfksslfjklgkldj ge kl gkljgwerkljerlg gglek (whatever)

The Judge: Well, not so much Western or Central Europe. More like the bars in Eastern Europe. I’m especially thinking of bars in Poland.

HB on Trial: sdjsdjfds sdf gjjfklds kldjkjdldslkfsl

The Judge: Polish bars and clubs are so funny. You only have two extremes: Absolute dives or complete upscale raves. I remember this one bar I went with my ex-girlfriend to celebrate postproduction with her cast. It was insane… (stack to story about something that happened in Poland)

Also, I usually splice in traveler facts about Poland (i.e. the weird currency exchange, their funny/scary reception of Americans, how the equivalent of a lemonade stand for a Polish kid is a “Vodka-stand”, etc.) Usually by using words like “post-production” and “cast”, I don’t come right out and scream: “HEY MY EX-GIRLFRIEND IS A SMOKING-HOT ACTRESS SO YOU SHOULD THINK I’M A COOL GUY FOR DATING HOT CHICKS.” Instead, it usually baits HB to ask me, “What did your ex-girlfriend do?” Now, because she asked, it seems like SHE wanted to know.

Additionally, I don’t say “actress” like a big shot. Rather, I say something like, “OMG, she played this HIL-ARIOUS psycho on a soap opera. She was like this deranged artist who poisoned all these beefcake men. I told her not to get any ideas….but…sometimes…she stayed in character when we’d hang out so I had to hire a food taster to make sure I wasn’t getting poisoned by the crazy Polish artist!!!” Instead of coming off like I’m bragging, it seems like I’m this fun guy who’s more interested in the bars in Poland or how funny my ex-girlfriend’s part was than some guy who’s just telling her things to DHV. Get it?

Frame control: Common story mistakes made by PUAs of all skill levels

This post was in response to a post on the VA boards where some loser posted an appalling transcript of "DHV" stories he claimed he was using in the field.

It’s time to write on one of the biggest problems/obstacles PUAs of all skill levels run into: Effective DHV story telling. There are two recurring fatal mistakes I see happening repeatedly: 1.) Stories are trying so hard to hit DHV points, they completely undermine and destroy your frame/congruency 2.) Stories lack any subtly and are no better than blatant bragging/lying.

Mistake # 1: Stories are trying so hard to hit DHV points, they completely undermine and destroy your frame/congruency

Before I go into the theory on this, I want to demonstrate my point by relating something that happened to me in-field. Okay, I sarge in Manhattan and usually go for high end chicks (8s and upward) usually at classy bars/clubs. So, as you can imagine, I’m constantly competing/gaming against AMOGs and, in particular, older, richer Wall Street AMOGs (lets call them Alpha Streeters). So one Thursday night, I’m out with my wing and we’re gaming a decent 3-set. As I’m stacking, I notice in the corner of my eye a cock-pack of 10 Alpha Streeters rolling into the club. While most of the Alphas wandered over to the bar, the two most Alpha guys planted themselves in front of our set. Not letting this phase me, I continued to stack but kept hearing snip-its of phrases like “…FINALLY all moved into my place on Fifth Avenue” or “…going back to the old alma mater for the Harvard Yale game”. They were running the equivalent of MM for guys on Wall Street: DHV about money as loud as you can. After about 5 minutes of this, a couple of the Alphas by the bar came over to our set and offered us all an expensive round of drinks. Of course, we had to accept, allowing the 10 Alphas to move in on our set and effectively blow us out.

The way I felt as I ejected was like a little kid who’s playing a Nintendo game and can’t beat a level while he watches a bunch of older kids do whatever they want because they’re using Game Genie.

I was pissed. Frustrated. Embarrassed. I still am. But thinking back on it, those guys may have blown me out, but they set a horrible frame. Let me explain. Say the Alpha Streeters never showed up and I had successfully n-closed, got a Day 2, and took the girl(s) to McDonalds. It wouldn’t really be a DLV because I was strictly selling the girls on my personality, gaming skills, and stories. I didn’t buy them drinks. I didn’t tell them I live on Fifth Avenue. Taking those girls to McDonalds would’ve been completely congruent with the frame I established.

However, imagine if one of the Alpha Streeters got a Day 2 and he took her to McDonalds. MAJOR DLV. The guy established the frame that he’s rich. His Day 2 HAS to be at a very expansive restaurant or else it’s NOT CONGRUENT. Winning girls with money is great if you’re ready to spend money all the time, but if you’re not than it’s no different than the smooth PUA who freezes up in the middle of the set. You’re blown out once you contradict the reality you initially put forth.

…okay, so how does that relate to Zarlock’s post and, subsequently, to the community at large?

Over and over and I see lines like this: “I broke down the bedroom door and grabbed him by the neck pinning him against the wall lifting him up. Must have been the adrenaline of the moment because I can not normally lift a big guy with one hand. I looked him in the eye and told him, if he ever did that again I would kill him.”

I know a lot of red-faced “PUAs” want to grab me by the neck, pin me against a wall, and tell me “Hey bro! I’m showing that I PROTECT MY LOVED ONES!”

No, you’re not, bro.

What you’re showing is you’re a typical tough guy. Which is fine if that’s the frame you want to set. But just like the Wall Streeter who sets his money frame, you’ve now set a “tough guy” frame. So, when an AMOG comes over and tries to steal your girl, you have no choice but to fight him. Think about it. If you’re the big “protector of loved ones” and you’ve “demonstrated” that with your story, you can’t try to out smart the AMOG or it’s not consistent. Your ONLY consistent choice is to get that adrenaline pumping and start fighting everyone who threatens your target.

Because I encounter so many typical AFC tough guys, I go OUT OF MY WAY to set the frame that I’m NOT a tough guy (so when I use my wit to outsmart them, it’s congruent and I’m not obligated to man-dance every loser AFC with crab hands…) Here’s what I was doing for a while (feel free to use at your discretion):

Part of my peacocking is I sometimes put a band aid on my neck. It sounds stupid but so many girls will open you with:

HB on Trial: OMG!! What happened?

The Judge: Bar fight.

HB on Trial: (Giggles)

The Judge: Yeah, you should’ve seen the other 5 guys. (NOTE: This must be delivered with James Bond-like demeanor. If you say it like a goofball it’ll come off sounding like a joke your corny uncle would make…)

The whole reason this is “funny” is because I’m a skinny 5”8, 145-pound dude who dresses like a dandy...