This entry is fairly self-reflective but hopefully will cover some inner game issues. Anyway, these past fews day I've been wrapping up Part 3 of my bio (it'll be up soon, promise Khaki!), reflecting on my PUA journey, and moping around work and my apartment due to some disappointing flakes by quality women...and I think I'm hitting (for me) the most difficult sticking point in PUA: End game.
I've worked my game up to the point where I can approach girls I'd deem "dream girls" (HB9+), not get blown out, get enough attraction to either k-close or n-close, not have them flake, run enough phone game to get them on the D2, get them on the D2 and either escalate sexually (i.e. making out) or complete f-close, but then they lose interest somewhere between the D2 and the next time I text/call them...
(Writing out that last paragraph I think I found my answer, but first I want to detail the thoughts going through my head today...)
Okay, I believe this is the hardest part of the game because it's emotionally soul-destroying. I guess a fitting metaphor for how I feel every time one of these girls flakes on me is if someone were to show you a brand new shinny red Corvette with a bow on it. Throw you the keys and say, "It's yours! ...but wait, first I want to teach you a lesson". Then, you step aside as they load in one of those crash test dummies and smash it into a wall. As you sit there in horror and shock, the guy says, "THAT was to teach you about safety. I'll bet you'll think twice next time you don't buckle up!" And, while you may have learned your lesson, you're still like, "wtf dude, that was a beautiful car and you wrecked it for a frivolous educational reason..."
It's not fun.
You see, every other stage of "the game" is just that A GAME. For example: approaching. I got good at approaching once I stopped taking it seriously. It became a fun activity to just walk up to some HB, say whatever might or might not work and get her reaction. There were certain rules I realized I had to follow if I wanted the approach to work (i.e. good BL, voice projection, projecting value/confidence, the 90/10 rule, etc.) and now I can consistently hook about 90% of the sets I open. As for the ones that blow me out still, I can always trace it back to a mistake I made (i.e. bad BL, weak voice projection, etc.)
Even A2/A3 became fun once I disassociated myself with outcome. Even though I may have hooked a HB9 or 10 and blown myself out in A2/A3 because of lack of attraction material, I still didn't feel shitty about it because A2/A3 is still a game with specific rules to follow. If I fucked up, it was because I was violating a rule and could usually pinpoint it and tweak my game.
However, for me, this metaphor of "the game" being "just a game" doesn't hold up during end game. While I taunt grounding/vulnerability stories while actively qualifying as the key to D2s, they're not really tactics. They're actually who I am. While they may be canned and scripted and FT'd, they're still all things that actually happened to me and I really am making myself vulnerable by telling them. I know this post reeks of emotional baggage and "wuss-ness" (and I'll be a little embarrassed next time I see Ga'ash...but he doesn't read long posts anyway haha...) but it's true. When I'm on a D2 with a 9, 10 or (in rare cases) an 11 and I start to quality her, get her to open up to me, start prodding at her insecurities and dreams and fears and passions, I genuinely feel we ARE making a connection...
Like, for me, it's an incredible feeling to sit across from a girl who previously was completely "out of my league", who wouldn't even have had a conversation with me (let alone go on a "date" with me) and watch her chase me and get nervous that I don't like her, laugh at all my jokes..even when they're not that funny. Sometimes I just sit back and watch these girls - who I'd always assumed were just "super hot bitches" - display their human emotions and fears for me. I know when I look into their eyes and see how human these "objects of beauty" really are, it makes me forget about the game, PUA, acting like "The Judge" and I simply see these girls as potential girlfriends, someone I could actually bring into my life as more than just HB10Frenchie or sHB11SuperModel or sHB11MissUSABeautyQueen or HB9Russian or HB9AsianModel. These girls suddenly become real to me and the possibility of them actually falling for me becomes real. (I know that was the sappiest bunch of crap you'd ever expect to read on a PUA blog...but I wrote it to try and describe how I feel...also, keep in mind I am a master of hiding my internal state so while all this is running through my head, my PUA game is unswerving and consistent...most of the time)
When the D2 ends and my state is pumped with possibility, I usually run to this blog and post my success and happiness (notice I almost always post a FR after one of these quality D2s). I usually have a hard time sleeping that night and roll through work the next day hardly able to concrete on anything but how awesome banging a model was or how amazing it was to make out with a girl who's a perfect 10...
Then, the other shoe drops.
For whatever reason, my newest sticking point has been AFTER the D2, and AFTER I've gotten quality IOIs, and AFTER I feel I've put it all the line and succeeded, these girls flake! Since it's a rare situation which most guys who get into PUA never face, there's not a huge demand for products that address this issue, so I'm pretty much in the dark about how to proceed (not that I should be running to PUA literature for every problem I hit). I even tried posting a problem I had with HB10Frenchie on the VA boards and got atrocious advice that definitely DID NOT WORK. (Also, I was FTing another experiment: I wanted to see if guys could actually give good advice based on a "situation" rather than just advice in general...what I found is guys can only give advice in general and specific situations are impossible to give advice on...but more on this later).
Anyway, while I know this is a sticking point I'll eventually figure out and break through, it's not as easy as learning to approach or learning to get attraction. This is literally learning how to make a girl you actually want as a potential life partner fall in love with you. Failing at this point is much harder because I'm not failing as "The Judge", I'm failing as "Bobby" (my real world name lol).
(Also, I don't mean to sound like a little bitch crying because some model pumped and dumped me...I know there are far worse situations to be dealing with and the fact I'm nailing and making out with these girls should plug up my tears, but I've been despondent all day and feel like putting myself out there because I love you guys and feel this is another aspect of the game we all go through.)
Anyway, I'm going to end this post and maybe even delete it when I get home (I hate rereading my non-fiction writing when I'm in a negative state...it's always trash whereas I write my most amazing fiction when I'm miserable.) but if this is helpful to anyone, let me know.
I feel a little better writing this, even if I'm still staring at the smoldering wreckage of a perfectly good Corvette that's supposed to teach me a lesson I still haven't learned....
...yet.
I've worked my game up to the point where I can approach girls I'd deem "dream girls" (HB9+), not get blown out, get enough attraction to either k-close or n-close, not have them flake, run enough phone game to get them on the D2, get them on the D2 and either escalate sexually (i.e. making out) or complete f-close, but then they lose interest somewhere between the D2 and the next time I text/call them...
(Writing out that last paragraph I think I found my answer, but first I want to detail the thoughts going through my head today...)
Okay, I believe this is the hardest part of the game because it's emotionally soul-destroying. I guess a fitting metaphor for how I feel every time one of these girls flakes on me is if someone were to show you a brand new shinny red Corvette with a bow on it. Throw you the keys and say, "It's yours! ...but wait, first I want to teach you a lesson". Then, you step aside as they load in one of those crash test dummies and smash it into a wall. As you sit there in horror and shock, the guy says, "THAT was to teach you about safety. I'll bet you'll think twice next time you don't buckle up!" And, while you may have learned your lesson, you're still like, "wtf dude, that was a beautiful car and you wrecked it for a frivolous educational reason..."
It's not fun.
You see, every other stage of "the game" is just that A GAME. For example: approaching. I got good at approaching once I stopped taking it seriously. It became a fun activity to just walk up to some HB, say whatever might or might not work and get her reaction. There were certain rules I realized I had to follow if I wanted the approach to work (i.e. good BL, voice projection, projecting value/confidence, the 90/10 rule, etc.) and now I can consistently hook about 90% of the sets I open. As for the ones that blow me out still, I can always trace it back to a mistake I made (i.e. bad BL, weak voice projection, etc.)
Even A2/A3 became fun once I disassociated myself with outcome. Even though I may have hooked a HB9 or 10 and blown myself out in A2/A3 because of lack of attraction material, I still didn't feel shitty about it because A2/A3 is still a game with specific rules to follow. If I fucked up, it was because I was violating a rule and could usually pinpoint it and tweak my game.
However, for me, this metaphor of "the game" being "just a game" doesn't hold up during end game. While I taunt grounding/vulnerability stories while actively qualifying as the key to D2s, they're not really tactics. They're actually who I am. While they may be canned and scripted and FT'd, they're still all things that actually happened to me and I really am making myself vulnerable by telling them. I know this post reeks of emotional baggage and "wuss-ness" (and I'll be a little embarrassed next time I see Ga'ash...but he doesn't read long posts anyway haha...) but it's true. When I'm on a D2 with a 9, 10 or (in rare cases) an 11 and I start to quality her, get her to open up to me, start prodding at her insecurities and dreams and fears and passions, I genuinely feel we ARE making a connection...
Like, for me, it's an incredible feeling to sit across from a girl who previously was completely "out of my league", who wouldn't even have had a conversation with me (let alone go on a "date" with me) and watch her chase me and get nervous that I don't like her, laugh at all my jokes..even when they're not that funny. Sometimes I just sit back and watch these girls - who I'd always assumed were just "super hot bitches" - display their human emotions and fears for me. I know when I look into their eyes and see how human these "objects of beauty" really are, it makes me forget about the game, PUA, acting like "The Judge" and I simply see these girls as potential girlfriends, someone I could actually bring into my life as more than just HB10Frenchie or sHB11SuperModel or sHB11MissUSABeautyQueen or HB9Russian or HB9AsianModel. These girls suddenly become real to me and the possibility of them actually falling for me becomes real. (I know that was the sappiest bunch of crap you'd ever expect to read on a PUA blog...but I wrote it to try and describe how I feel...also, keep in mind I am a master of hiding my internal state so while all this is running through my head, my PUA game is unswerving and consistent...most of the time)
When the D2 ends and my state is pumped with possibility, I usually run to this blog and post my success and happiness (notice I almost always post a FR after one of these quality D2s). I usually have a hard time sleeping that night and roll through work the next day hardly able to concrete on anything but how awesome banging a model was or how amazing it was to make out with a girl who's a perfect 10...
Then, the other shoe drops.
For whatever reason, my newest sticking point has been AFTER the D2, and AFTER I've gotten quality IOIs, and AFTER I feel I've put it all the line and succeeded, these girls flake! Since it's a rare situation which most guys who get into PUA never face, there's not a huge demand for products that address this issue, so I'm pretty much in the dark about how to proceed (not that I should be running to PUA literature for every problem I hit). I even tried posting a problem I had with HB10Frenchie on the VA boards and got atrocious advice that definitely DID NOT WORK. (Also, I was FTing another experiment: I wanted to see if guys could actually give good advice based on a "situation" rather than just advice in general...what I found is guys can only give advice in general and specific situations are impossible to give advice on...but more on this later).
Anyway, while I know this is a sticking point I'll eventually figure out and break through, it's not as easy as learning to approach or learning to get attraction. This is literally learning how to make a girl you actually want as a potential life partner fall in love with you. Failing at this point is much harder because I'm not failing as "The Judge", I'm failing as "Bobby" (my real world name lol).
(Also, I don't mean to sound like a little bitch crying because some model pumped and dumped me...I know there are far worse situations to be dealing with and the fact I'm nailing and making out with these girls should plug up my tears, but I've been despondent all day and feel like putting myself out there because I love you guys and feel this is another aspect of the game we all go through.)
Anyway, I'm going to end this post and maybe even delete it when I get home (I hate rereading my non-fiction writing when I'm in a negative state...it's always trash whereas I write my most amazing fiction when I'm miserable.) but if this is helpful to anyone, let me know.
I feel a little better writing this, even if I'm still staring at the smoldering wreckage of a perfectly good Corvette that's supposed to teach me a lesson I still haven't learned....
...yet.
12 comments:
Well, it feels good to know that even you still have some problems. I'm sitting here, watching PUA videos and reading books, wishing I could go out and sarge (no car) so that I could consistently hook and close, it's reassuring to know that even the best still have some problems. I'm sure you'll get through it though... just make sure you're able to explain how!
Oh, and those stories are true? Some homeless guy actually grabbed you? A tony-the-tiger-like girl actually attacked your friend? That's awesome.
It is actually refreshing to hear this kind of insight and openness about your true feelings. You don't encounter that very often in the community.
With that being said I would love if I had your problem, but hopefully soon enough I will.
With regard to your posting on the VA boards, I don't really think that you are going to be able to get a whole lot of good advice. You are much further along then most of the people who post on there. There are probably only a handful of guys that give good advice on there anyways.
But I wish you good luck b/c Frenchie sound like a quality chick that you would probably suit you well to keep around for a while.
I've had a similar sticking point. I've had girls in bed (mine or theirs), and when I leave them they have an adoring look in their eyes. then that's it. they may respond to a TM once, but otherwise they vanish from the earth. it makes absolutely no sense, because you had tight game, stayed alpha, did push-pull, etc. the only thing that goes through my head was maybe they stumbled onto the seduction community and outed me...but that's ridiculous.
so the hurt comes from being rejected as a person, not as a routine. and since there is no exit interview, you have further frustration at not being able to see where you might've went wrong and fixing it. you can only speculate, and that's no help.
so i feel what you're going through, and as with all aspects of PU it's a house of cards based on numbers, so all you can do is get back out there and replace the ones that got away.
Although there are always exceptions to every generalization i have ever heard, explaining situations to anyone is often impossible, regardless of gender.
So many external and internal factors arise that affect our unconscious and influence how we feel that we cannot possibly make anyone feel exactly how we felt in a certain situation. Thats why some advice can only come from yourself.
And yeah, i get one-itice real bad sometimes...HB9punk-ballerina had my heart and soul...after she flaked i did what every person does when they get rejected...make excuses that HB9punk-ballerina wasn't as good as i thought she was and move on. Thats all we can do. Well, Time to go out and train another AFC on the basics...after i wipe these tears off my face :(
happens to everyone dude. Girls are fickle, it really is that simple. I've had girls in my bed (like decibel said) on a D1 or D2 and then I can't get them to even see me again, and it's not because the sex was bad. I don't know what to do here either, and I'm not sure many people do.
Hey guys, thanks for all the feedback and responses. Last night I finished writing up my road to PUA (it's LONG and I feel like it doesn't even begin to chronicle everything I've been through haha) and felt a lot better reflecting on all the crazy nights/early mornings I've had since I got into this.
Ga'ash I purposely left out the night me and you met for the first time and we accidentally picked up those high school girls only because I'm waiting for you to post the FR on that one. lol
Anyway, I have lots things going through my head today but all I can think about is sarging this weekend.
Ga'ash you down for the Guggenheim tonight? I talked to Affection and he's gonna be there as well as Prada and Theory...
Peace,
~TJ
oh shit forgot about the guggenheim tonight .. i could be down .. gotta see cuase i chatted some girl about meeting up... maybe ill bring her tho I know i will regret that like last time haha
fyi guggenheim is canceled tonight..
Aw shit, you wanna do LES or something? fyi: Murray Hill is pretty sick on Saturdays (maybe Fridays too)
East Village could be good tonight, too...
Gotta figure out my plan w/lady friend but if not im down for murray hill or something other than LES.. weve done that a bunch already.. could do that plunge place but maybe sat as I was in meatpacking yesterday at tenjune.
I could definitely do Plunge. I'll call Affection later and figure out his deal. Also, Prada and Theory are swinging by my place around 8. They're pretty much game for whatever...
My sarge team is meeting at Denny's tonight...arrrrggggghh...
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