When I first joined the community, I had no idea what was going on. I flailed around on the forums a bit, helplessly posting things like "how do I generate attraction?" and asking how game worked in high school. Finally someone - who shall remain anonymous, out of respect to them - sent me a PM offering me help and asking me to reply to them with a "brutally honest" assessment of my life. After I sent him that PM, the guy was incredibly helpful for a long time before disappearing. I am extremely thankful for him.
On a whim, I just read over the PM. Looking at it now, I realized that it's the kind of thing that I enjoy reading as the first part of a transformation post. I'm reposting it here, because you guys might like it and it seems like the kind of thing this blog is set up for (plus, you guys deserve to know a little bit about who I am). I'm also protesting the fact that Judge has yet to write the third part of his life story post!
Here's what I wrote:
I think I spend most of my time at high school with the "loser" crowd. I eat lunch with them and like to play cards with them during my free time. But I also have some friends who are in the "cool" crowd who I talk to at school a lot. So I wouldn't say I'm really at the bottom of the foodchain, but I'm definitely in the lower part. I don't really have any super-close friends like I did at the end of middle school, but I'm getting closer to certain other people who are around the same status as me.
When I was a freshman, I had what I now recognize as horrible inner game. I mean I went from being well-put at my old school (K-8) with some really close friends to never seeing my close friends and being cast into an environment where I didn't really have any friends. What's worse, my high school had a 7th and 8th grade program that some kids, not including me, went to, so it felt like everyone already knew eachother when I got there. We had very limited free time early on, but I sat by myself at lunch at first before taking the easy road out and sitting with the "loser" group I now spend time with. During the few free times I had, I spent most of my time in the library, hunched over, afraid to look up for fear that, well, I don't even know what I was afraid of.
I got really bitter really fast, and started to resent everyone who, well, did anything I envied. Eventually, I started to make really mean comments about the people I hated the most, who were, not surprisingly, widely regarded as awful by the rest of the school. This was my link into the popular group, and I began to exploit how "hilarious" people thought I was. So I really quickly got this reputation for making really mean but really funny comments.
As a sophomore I was also a mess. I had more free time, but at first I spent all of it in the library instead of the place where most of the other kids usually hung out. I would say "come to the library with me" to my friends who I had just eaten lunch, and be really disappointed when they went to the student lounge to play cards - with the exact same people I spent my time with. I was terrified of going in there and I always just sulked off the library to hunch over like a freshman. In a way, being a sophomore was worse because we never really had any hazing at our school and I had more free time to run away from.
Towards the end of the year, I realized that I had a major problem. I had been completely transformed for the worse from the end of middle school. I hadn't had to make friends since I was really little, so I had no experience and I just sort of shrank from the challenge. At this point I decided "fuck this, my life can't get much worse by walking into the student lounge." And this was the beginning of my transformation. I went to play cards with one of my friends one day. My heart was in my mouth as I walked through the room, gazing with contemptuous envy at the people around me who looked so casual.
My friends and some people I didn't really know well were playing some card game I had never heard of before. I had awful body language and my voice was trembling (which is weird for me, because I'm a very boisterous person), but I asked what they were playing and how to play. Finally, the bell rang. I had survived. After that, I made every effort to spend as much time there as possible. I made a special effort to walk through the lounge part of the building (which has two doors on opposite sides) when I was going from one side to the other. This has had a huge impact on me, and I'm now completely comfortable in the student lounge.
Right now, I'm a junior. I have better body language (I still don't know much about body language... I just stand up straight, don't look down, and don't act terrified to look up), and I know I'm much better off than I used to be. But I still have so far to go.
Oh, also, I've never been to a dance or a party at high school. I used to go to the dances at my middle school, but those are obviously hugely different. I never really saw a reason to do it here because I wasn't great friends with anybody and most of my friends, the loser crowd, didn't go. So I have no idea what to wear or really how any of that works at all. I've also never kissed, held hands with, or gone out with a girl before.
I'm both embarrassed and proud to post that. It should be pretty obvious why that's embarrassing... and I'm proud because of how much I've changed. This is a great setup for a part two "transformation to PUA" post...
But there is no Part 2. Right now, my life is good: I like people, and I don't care what they think, although I'm pretty damn sure they like me a lot more than they used to. But I still need a lot of work to become a fully-fledged PUA. A second post on this subject wouldn't say anything, so I'm not going to be writing it. Yet.
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3 comments:
Khaki -
This is a great post and exactly what I envisioned for this blog when I started it. Hopefully the advice and real stories from everyone else will inspire you to continue pushing forward with your personal progress.
A few things I noticed: In terms of BL...just try to stand up straight and make sure not to peck in when you speak to people. Adjusting your posture is as simple as standing up against a wall and checking for alignment (it's one of the exercises in Style's book). Always make sure you're comfortable, but upright (as if the world can't beat you down). Overall I find my BL improving as my inner game improves, i.e. the more I actually AM qualifying people, the more instinctively my BL adjusts to lean back and take up space.
Secondly, your friend circle sounds like it might be holding you back. Personally, in high school, college, and now in the "real world", I've always rolled with a mix of really cool guys (i.e. ladies' men, jocks, cool guys) along with people that would be deemed "losers" (i.e. fat guys, nerds). However, you'll get major alpha points if you can lead the "losers" into coolness. What I mean by this is start looking for cool features guys in your loser crew possess. In my social circle I have a friend who's really overweight and very loud; however, he's one of the funniest people you'll ever meet BUT he's too insecure to joke around with people he thinks are cooler than him so he usually just shyly stands off in social settings. Although, when I'm out with him, I usually work the room, befriend everyone, start joking around, then pull him into the convo. Like, if I'm talking to girls, I'll be like, "Yo dude, come here for a second and do that impression of so and so for these girls..." Once I start setting up for canned routines he KNOWS are funny and starts getting laughs, he loosens up and lets his humor flow naturally. Then, not only does he seem high value because of his sense of humor, YOU seem even more high value because you're a leader of men and know how to take control and get people to realize their full potential. The same applies for dorky guys or guys who can play an instrument really well. If you can start honing in on ways people can give value to a group, you'll solve so many problems very quickly (this is the essence of being a leader).
Finally, I love how you just threw yourself into the student lounge. This is truly the only way to develop in this game. Babysteps won't get you the progress or feedback that will jumpstart your life. If you read the sidebar, at the end I talk about "Point 3"...what you're doing when you throw yourself into an awkward social situation is testing "Point 3". The hilarious thing I'm finding is people will accept whatever you say or do if you simply present it confidently. It's almost unbelievable to watch, but I pickup girls I'd previously think were totally out of my league (i.e. international supermodels) but acting like they don't impress me and I'm used to gorgeous women hitting on me all the time. Because I unswervingly project this (even if I'm secretly shitting myself inside), people will accept that frame and treat me like that person. If you simply start projecting that you're high value and you're accustomed to people trying you like a ladies' man, you'll start actually becoming a high value, ladies' man (because people will accept that as reality).
Aye, there's more I'd like to write on this but I'm not sure if this too confusing. Let me know if this helps and I'll try and develop it more...
Keep posting!
~TJ
I definitely understood what you wrote, and I much appreciate the advice, Judge, so I'd love more input if you have the time.
The problem I think I have most with body language is what to do with my hands... sometimes they just "fall into place," but other times I'm totally aware of where they are and they always feel wrong. I think another problem I have is that I move too much, too fast, and too jerkily (my friends once nicknamed me "Kha Rapid Movements Ki"), but I think just chilling out, and having better inner game has at least somewhat helped me on that.
My biggest problem in general, I think, is that I'm a bit of a KJ. My inner game has improved a lot since I originally wrote that (at least I think it has), and I try to talk to just about every random person I encounter now, but going out and sarging can be almost impossible when you're 17, still in high school, and don't have a car. Anyway, I don't mean to make excuses... it just sucks that I can't sarge as much as I'd like. On the other hand, I get the feeling I'd get so absorbed in it my grades would plummet and I'd get screwed on colleges.
I always sound much more rambly than usual when I'm talking about myself, but I hope this at least kinda made sense.
Confidence is the first step. Sometimes it takes it being handed to you (I never kissed a girl until college, and then it was basically when I found out that some girls actually thought i was good looking and would game me). This isn't exactly the PUA way but it gave me the confidence to try on my own... and i haven't looked back and don't plan on it.
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